Things I Never Knew Before Buying a House


  • That you’re supposed to spray bees at night.
  • How mailboxes come to be.
  • How expensive paper blinds are.
  • That gas fireplaces come with battery backups.
  • Utility companies require security deposits.
  • How dusty new garages are.
  • How quickly grass clippings start to smell.
  • How you will simultaneously acquire more trash than you have in the previous 6 months while waiting 7-10 days for trash service to be set up.
  • How small my old kitchen was.
  • How dark apartments are.
  • The beauty of new appliances.
  • How there is so much empty space.
  • How that’s a good thing because apparently maintaining a house needs A LOT of things.
  • How one goes about making an offer on a house.
  • Plastic butter knives make excellent box cutters in case you forgot where you packed the scissors.
  • The price of toilet paper holders.

Yup, we’re homeowners!



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